job description

soooooooo, after 9,432 days of working under a specific set of rules and expectations, life has changed. I haven't necessarily retired, as much as I've been cut back to part time.
This is an exciting time of year for kids everywhere...back to school, sports kick-offs, new backpacks and pencils.  Everyone has cute new clothes, fresh new haircuts and plans to pack lunch and be out the door with NO hassles on the first day.
And for the first time in 20 years, I won't take a "first day photo", watch the bus all the way down the road or wait for them arrive home to ask about their day....
Yep, my job has changed- and I can't tell you I'm thrilled.
In the last 12 days, I've discovered I like the chaos and the noise and the hugs. I miss the alarm going off in the basement for 45 fricking minutes and the piles of clothes on the floor.
The fridge is full and no one's eating it (well at least not fast enough) and although Jeff and I have had some great talks, dinners and drives (sounds like a food network show, huh?), I was happy when he went to the family room and turned on the TV the other night.... noise. Sweet noise.
So what's a 47 year old woman, who's been a mother for more than half of her life, supposed to do when her boys have moved to follow their dreams or to study and play a little ball?
What do you do when the laundry is all done and the kitchen's clean and you're not searching for the lost dirty sock (that's stinking up the whole darn house)?
What do you do when your paperwork's caught up and dinner is ready?
What do you do when you don't have to rush home on a Friday night, to get to a game?
Ahhhhhhh....... this is the moment when I want to cry (again).
Never a big cry- because I'm happy for them both.
And I'm happy for Jeff and I to live a life that's not consumed with work and worry and laundry and dinner and what to say when you want to beat the pulp out of your kids, but you still want them to love you in the morning......
Never a big cry, but tears- many tears.
Big salty crocodile tears of joy and pride and a deep ache of lonely. and quiet.
What to do???????
I could find a new job, but I did that almost 6 years ago and I still love it.....
I could finally decorate my 21 year old house and buy furniture that might last more than a couple years....
I could find myself again.....
Travel and read. Spend time with my parents and Jeff.
Write....
Workout!!
Re-writing my job description- I'll let you know how it goes.