job description

soooooooo, after 9,432 days of working under a specific set of rules and expectations, life has changed. I haven't necessarily retired, as much as I've been cut back to part time.
This is an exciting time of year for kids everywhere...back to school, sports kick-offs, new backpacks and pencils.  Everyone has cute new clothes, fresh new haircuts and plans to pack lunch and be out the door with NO hassles on the first day.
And for the first time in 20 years, I won't take a "first day photo", watch the bus all the way down the road or wait for them arrive home to ask about their day....
Yep, my job has changed- and I can't tell you I'm thrilled.
In the last 12 days, I've discovered I like the chaos and the noise and the hugs. I miss the alarm going off in the basement for 45 fricking minutes and the piles of clothes on the floor.
The fridge is full and no one's eating it (well at least not fast enough) and although Jeff and I have had some great talks, dinners and drives (sounds like a food network show, huh?), I was happy when he went to the family room and turned on the TV the other night.... noise. Sweet noise.
So what's a 47 year old woman, who's been a mother for more than half of her life, supposed to do when her boys have moved to follow their dreams or to study and play a little ball?
What do you do when the laundry is all done and the kitchen's clean and you're not searching for the lost dirty sock (that's stinking up the whole darn house)?
What do you do when your paperwork's caught up and dinner is ready?
What do you do when you don't have to rush home on a Friday night, to get to a game?
Ahhhhhhh....... this is the moment when I want to cry (again).
Never a big cry- because I'm happy for them both.
And I'm happy for Jeff and I to live a life that's not consumed with work and worry and laundry and dinner and what to say when you want to beat the pulp out of your kids, but you still want them to love you in the morning......
Never a big cry, but tears- many tears.
Big salty crocodile tears of joy and pride and a deep ache of lonely. and quiet.
What to do???????
I could find a new job, but I did that almost 6 years ago and I still love it.....
I could finally decorate my 21 year old house and buy furniture that might last more than a couple years....
I could find myself again.....
Travel and read. Spend time with my parents and Jeff.
Write....
Workout!!
Re-writing my job description- I'll let you know how it goes.

the taste of summer.....

I have always been a lucky girl.... I was born into a family that liked food.
Not any food mind you, good food.
Growing up, my parents had a HUGE garden....radishes, beans, cabbage, kohlrabi, grapes, pears, walnuts and my favorite (and my moms least favorite) mulberries!
Nothing better than sticky fingers and purple feet, right??
Behind our yard there was a big apple orchard where mushrooms and wild asparagus grew.... We were allowed to pick what we wanted and often Shelley and I would eat the fruits and veggies raw...fresh picked and warm from the sun.
Once or twice a month, mom would take us to a roadside market to buy the things we didn't grow.....plums, cherries and peaches that tasted so good, we couldn't wait to get home to dig in.
THAT, my friends, is summer to me...so many things I love....so many memories, wrapped up in a few sweet weeks each year.

When I grew up and had a baby of my own, there wasn't much money and there wasn't room to plant a huge garden....we didn't have hundred year old trees dropping fruit for our pleasure....but I knew I had to teach my son to love the deliciousness of summer the way my mom taught me.....
I passed a roadside market on my way to Ames every day when Zach was a little boy....one day I took the time to stop on my way home. A nice tall man greeted me as I got out of my car....he helped me pick a box of Missouri peaches.... not too ripe- perfect for eating out of hand.

I took them home and being a first time mom, I thought I should peel and dice one into perfectly sized pieces for my 10 month old boy. He thought different! He saw the "ball" and hollered until I offered it to him. It took just a few moments for the smell to reach his little nose and he dove right in..... I couldn't get to the camera fast enough, although I didn't really need to.... I had new memories of summer, given to me by my little boy

Several years later, I had the opportunity to be a stay at home mom....there was a new baby in our house- the second baby..... Being older, wiser and blessed with more time, I thought I'd try cloth diapers and making my own baby food....
The diaper gig didn't work for very long, but I was determined to feed my boys right! I jumped in the car with Zach and we headed to the roadside market to pick up fruit for baby Sam....
I'll never forget his sweet sticky face in the back seat, when I pulled in to the garage that day....my oldest boy experiencing his own summer joy.

We picked out the perfect peach and he ran in to the house to give it to his baby brother. He watched intently as Jeff offered the first bite and giggled with joy as Sammy dove back towards the sweet fruit again and again.
Eighteen summers have passed since that day...years of peaches and grapes and corn on the cob.... We grow our own raspberries now and have a small apple tree too....
A week ago, I walked in to the store and caught the sweet, sweet smell of peaches the moment I walked in the door.... Memories came flooding in as I hurried past and grabbed the few groceries I needed.... running from the scent that seemed to follow me, I jumped in the car and headed north....
The little roadside stand is still there...it seemed important that I buy the peaches there...
A new nice tall man,  greeted me as I got out of my car....
"need a watermelon? or tomatoes?"
"Nope....just peaches- lots of peaches....
You see the boys are leaving.... Zach has met a lovely girl and is off to Omaha to follow his dreams and Sammy's off to play ball at William Penn..... and I'm lucky enough that we can all be together for lunch."
..... as much as my heart aches to see them go,  I hope that laughter and memories and the taste of summer will always bring them home...